Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
