Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
