it was like his penis was on wheels.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
