i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do vagina's smell?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
