Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
