My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
