Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
