I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
