I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
