happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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