If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
