so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
people are starting to question the shark bite story
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I party with great urgency now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
