just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
