wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
