a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
