I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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