what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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