i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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