Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
