Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
