Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
