Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
