Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
