it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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