Are we in a gay sports bar?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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