Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
