I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
