just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
