I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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