By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
