Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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