Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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