(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
