i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
