bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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