I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
