you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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