i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
