Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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