You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
