mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
