I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
