I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
