No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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