I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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