He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
