You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
