I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
