I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
