This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
