I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
