so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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